Could Things Get Any Worse?
by Allied-Inspiration
Summary: Suddenly jealous of George, Jon drags Alanna to invade a random castle which turns out to be a certain school of Witchcraft and Wiazardry...Randomness is good!
1. Spiteful Schemes

Disclaimer: We own NOTHING!! (Quite literally) the fabulous J.K.R and equally brilliant Tamora Pierce are the source of all our inspiration (when we say Allied we mean it! Anyone wanting to give ideas feel free to do so! Lol.)  
  
Pagan has none of her own ideas you see (so we've got to be nice to her lol) only joking, Pagan is a stream of undying ideas, motivation, insight, stimulation and encouragement!! (Do you think that's enough big words to keep her thinking long enough for me to escape her throwing range?? lol) Anyway without further ado we (I should really say I as Pagan hasn't thought it necessary to contribute to the first chapter beyond criticizing my grammar! which is fair enough because I am terrible at that kind of stuff, (its really a shameless plan to get you to review if it is only to join pagan in criticizing my poor use of grammar, punctuation etc.)Lol  
  
Now I'm gonna shut up long enough for you to read the first chapter…   
  
Rougue xxx  
  
The rain pounded oppressively upon the solid backs of the war-hardened warriors as they rode, mounted high upon their bellowing steeds.  
  
Each step was strong and sure as they headed towards… erm that was a point thought Alanna of Pirates Swoop and Olau as she sat atop her faithful mare, Moonlight, trying to devise how this one of their adventures would be told at a later date.  
  
This was one of the many devices which Alanna was employing to try and distract her mind from the cold that seemed to be enveloping her very soul and hanging in the air in this place… Scotland.  
  
"Jon!" Alanna bellowed in frustration when she wasn't able to keep silent a minute longer, she hated the cold and her 'king' knew this as well as she did, for apart from being her 'sovereign lord' (the thought of any man being that, amused Alanna for a second, taking her mind from the wintry weather) Jon happened to be a very good friend, ok the fact that he was king hadn't exactly helped their friendship as Alanna had a distinct dislike of people lauding their power over her, and as Jon seemed to think that he could put his perfect nose into anyone's business that he pleased … Which, Alanna reminded herself he could as he was the king, and as she was his knight, his champion and thus his vessel. They had clashed at times, their most resent 'disagreement' was the reason that Alanna was now treking through the Scottish highlands in the middle of winter.   
  
Exactly a week ago to this day Alanna had looked the most feminine she had ever looked, as she had walked up the isle to meet her husband, who had given her an appraising look and commented "I'm sorry madam I think you've come to the wrong place and if you intend to deceive me and allow me to marry a complete stranger, I feel I should at least warn you that my fiancée is the best swords woman I know.   
  
To which she had been about to make a sarcastic reply before looking into his hazel eyes. When she had, the love she saw there had astounded her. So instead she had smiled up at him her face reflecting all the love she felt, and had then proceeded up the isle to marry the king of thieves, who had positively glowed that day and the thought of him seemed to warm her now, Jonathan however had been totally affronted by the fact that he had failed in securing Alanna where a 'mere' thief had succeeded and this had once again being a cause for their fiery personalities to clash.  
  
On the wedding day well... Jealousy? Until that day Alanna had never seen jealousy.  
  
After the wedding George and she had intended to ride into the sunset and take their honey moon, but someone had vandalise their carriage and set their horses free, however Alanna, being a knight and accomplished horsewoman, and George, being an accomplished thief and no novice in horse rustling, they had still reached their goal.  
  
But alas the thought of Alanna and George alone together on their honey moon had King Jonathan pacing the floor at night devising a plan which he had put in to action the previous night.   
  
George and Alanna had being enjoying a 'romantic moment' under a secluded willow tree as they toured the sunny Basliki islands, when a company of no less than thirty soldiers led by Raoul and for some reason accompanied by Gary had stormed in and told her of the king's urgent 'request' that she join them in an attack, the fact that they had said this with enormous grins all over their faces had somehow lessened the effect of the message, and after multiple arguments and protests, here she was in Scotland.  
  
Alanna had been so lost in thought that she had forgotten calling Jon, who was now staring provocatively back at her, "You called madam?" he said in a voice laced with sarcasm.   
  
Alanna took the liberty of glaring at him before coolly replying "Your powers of observation never fail to astound me Jon. Now, where are we going?" Alanna attempted to ask this in a nonchalant voice so as not to show her longing to get home, and failed miserably; Jon smiled a silky smile and tapped his nose knowledgably.  
  
This caused Alanna's temper to come to the end of its famously short tether, pulling Moonlight to a halt with a sharp tug and yelled "Jonathan! You dragged away from my honeymoon! To the middle of this frozen land! And you won't even allow me an explanation?!"  
  
"That's right Alanna." he replied simply his face hardening, and with that he spun his horse around and continued on his route eyes set on the road before him.  
  
Alanna stood open mouthed for a second before she turned Moonlight back into line trying to ignore the stares of the newer soldiers who had never seen anybody question the King. They were obviously deciding which to label "the lioness"; brave or stupid.   
  
Alanna cursed herself, she was Jon's knight, she had no right to question his actions as publicly as she had just done, and she didn't want to put the ideas of a rebellion into the new soldiers' heads or anything, it was just that she was privately insulted by Jon's secrecy. He had never even planned an attack without her and Alanna had expected him to tell his plans to her as soon as they had met, instead he had ordered her to pack and be ready to leave in an hour.  
  
She found it hard to wait patiently to be told, when she should be enjoying a wonderful honeymoon with George, not trapping through Scotland to some unknown destination!  
  
This thought washed away most of her previous repentance and she contented herself with staring fixedly at Jon's back cursing him silently, and part of her secretly hoping that his plan would go terribly wrong without her advice to help guide it.   
  
Jon could feel Alanna's glare penetrating through his body armour as he rode in front of her, and the truth was that he deserved every bit of her hatred, he had maliciously taken her away from her honeymoon because he couldn't stand to think that he had failed, and although he had loved Alanna in a unique way, what he felt towards Thyaete was a much more conventional, strong love as oppose to the possessive friendly love that he felt towards Alanna.  
  
Alanna had flatly refused to marry him and he now saw the wisdom in her actions but he couldn't bring himself to admit that he had been wrong about her and the future they could have had together.  
  
So out of spite as much as anything he had commissioned this pointless crusade to the coldest place that was within reason (he had considered the roof of the world but had grudgingly given up that idea when Gary had pointed out that as well as punishing Alanna he would also succeed in giving half of his company frost bite and a number of other illnesses that would deem the men unfit for action for months)  
  
So after much consideration (or at least as much as could be achieved in two days of revengeful plotting) he had decided upon Scotland which apparently had many castles and fiefs, several of which were now left in ruin, perfect for the plot Jonathan had devised.  
  
He planned this excursion as an excuse to separate Alanna and George (whom Jon had liked perfectly well until he had started to make serious moves on Alanna). He hadn't answered Alanna's question about where they were going because he honestly didn't know the answer, but she didn't know that, and Jon felt extremely guilty seeing the sadness he had willingly bestowed upon her.   
  
Alanna had always (well nearly always) loyally done what he had bid her and now he was abusing his power. Jon considered turning around telling Alanna about his plot, apologising profusely, begging for her forgiveness, and letting everyone go home. It had been strange making a plot without Alanna, stranger still against her.  
  
Jon shook his head to clear these ridiculous thoughts. If he told her his plan he would be endangering both their lives. His at the hands of Alanna, and hers by trial for treason. A knight murdering his…or her (Jon reminded himself with a smile) king generally constituted death, (or at least he hoped it did, he would have to look that rule up when he got back to Tortall.) 


	2. A Random Castle

Sorry it took so long for us to get the second chapter up but hey it's pretty darn difficult writing a story together when you live near each other, but when you're about eight miles away, only see each other every month and your only means of communication is the telephone and interent, it's even more difficult (especially when one of you has writers block *cough*).  
  
Anyway, I think I'd better actually explain what's going on here seeing as Rougue neglected to mention it in the first chapter (I.R:what u mean the one that wouldn't be in existence without me?? lol)(I spent hours editing and uploading thank you very much!). This fic is basically a Tammy vs Harry story, so if you havent read either then I suggest you dont read anymore as you probably won't get it...but you can still review if you like! :-P Erm its set just before Jon marries Thayet, and I think we decided it would be in Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts. I've rated it PG-13 just for the hell of it really. We havent decided what is actually going to happen yet so who knows where this fic will take us! I came across a little plan we made the other day and as of yet there is no ending. Oh well we'll think of something...  
  
Warning: We came up with this idea in the middle of the night when we were both quite tired (and possibly drunk - where the heck did you buy that orange juice from Rougue??) (I.R: yes I fooled her! That was so not orange juice mwhahah!!) so its storyline (that which we've actually done anyway) will be very strange and deemed almost impossible by the laws of physics and time  
  
Warning 2: Rougue and I dont need alcohol to act like a pair of lunatics so this story will no doubt be full of much insanity  
  
Warning 3: Rougue hates Jon,(I do not hate Jon!! Granted I would quite happily sit by while he had his haed cut off. But that proves nothing darn it! Nothing I tell you!) and we must all bend to her will for she is the supreme Goddess of the Universe!!!(come on obviously!!) (at least she thinks she is anyway) And I'm not fond of him myself so all you blasphemous ones out there who worship the ground he walks on had better leave now  
  
Warning 4: Rougue and Pagan are both English so some of our spellings/grammar may be different. Just remember before you start criticizing us that we were speaking English before you were so we're right and you're wrong! Mwhahaha! Er yeah anyway... (Yeah.anyway I spend most of my life excusing Pagans actions why stop now! The bad use of spelling and grammar will probably be due to me! I apologize in advance!! I.R)  
  
Disclaimer: All characters and things that you recognise belong to the amazing J.K.Rowling and Tamora Pierce - we do not own nor claim to own any of it!  
  
So now after much emailing, text messaging and twenty-hour-long phonecalls, we present to you - Chapter Two!  
Pagan xx  
(Ahem!! And Rougue xx)  
  
______________________________________~*~___________________________________  
  
A Random Castle  
  
After a while the army set up camp and Jon prowled away to brood. His men were getting impatient he knew, and to be honest he didn't really blame them. What kind of a king dragged his best army off across Scotland just to get back at his ex-girlfriend? And speaking of Alanna, if he didn't come up with something for them to do soon, he was pretty sure she was going to show him just how good she was with a sword. It was at that moment that the object of his thoughts came stomping up the muddy hill he was stood on top of to glare angrily at him, sparks flying from her purple eyes.  
  
"Well?" she demanded, looking every bit like a flaming goddess. A cold, mud covered and absolutely furious flaming goddess. And one that happened to be carrying a sword at her belt.(gulp)  
  
Jon glanced at her. "Well what?" he asked, trying to conceal his guilt.  
  
"Well what are we going to do now?" the King's Champion raged, only just managing to keep her voice down. "What is your plan my lord?"  
  
Jon scuffed his boot on the ground. "We are, um, obviously going to invade a castle."  
  
"Oh really?" Alanna scoffed, looking around at the open, and very wet, wildnerness. "And which castle might that be?"  
  
Jon followed her gaze, and then quite suddenly, he spotted it. Situated high up on the horizon, almost totally concealed by the pouring rain and black clouds, was a castle. Now, while any intelligent person would know that invading a random castle in the middle of Scotland (which also happens to be the setting for many spooky horror films) is totally stupid, Jon was not blessed with much intelligence (at least not in this story) and so at that moment he decided to invade that castle. Hm. Anyone else reminded of the Black City here?  
  
"That castle!" Jon gleefully yelled, pointing at the horizon.  
  
Alanna squinted. "May I ask why?"  
  
"No."  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"Because if you did then you would no doubt talk me out of this invasion and that would kind of ruin the whole plot of this story." Apparantly Jon is not quite so thick as we once thought.  
  
So that night the army rested and then in the morning they set off marching towards the castle, with a very apprehensive King as their leader who was starting to slightly regret his decision.  
  
Meanwhile in a certain School of Witchcraft and Wizardry....  
  
Hermione couldn't believe that Ron could act so infantile!  
  
She couldn't say anything without him making some childish reference to Victor (not Vicky As Ron was now referring to him). Honestly the way Ron talked anyone would have thought she had ran away and eloped with Victor, instead of going to visit him in Bulgaria (which apart from being enjoyable, had had many educationally valuable moments! Victor had shown her many of the rare creatures referred to in 'Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them') but when she had tried to explain this to Ron he had gone frantic and wouldn't let her explain:  
  
"So were not good enough for the great Hermione Granger! She only converses with famous quiditch players of a substantial income now, Harry!" Ron spat, looking spitefully at Hermione although addressing Harry.  
  
To this Harry had raised his eyebrow and wondered what on earth had gotten into Ron. About to attempt to defend Hermione, he was cut off in mid sentence by his red-headed friend.  
  
"Although you might be acknowledged by her, after all saving the world from the darkest wizard of all time might count towards you getting a glance from her, but you don't own a multi galleon estate, so I wouldn't hold your breath. Then there's the common folk such as the likes as me who should feel eternally grateful if she opens the fan mail we humbly deposit at her feet!"  
  
Harry and Hermione had gaped at him, Harry looking bewildered and for some reason faintly amused, while Hermione felt hurt.  
  
"It was a great chance to see some more of the wizarding world you should have seen some of the creatures-" Hermione had feebly tried to say, but Ron didn't so much as pause for her, instead he raised his voice and continued "So! Fluffy the three headed dog, Norbert the dragon, Basilisks, werewolves, Bogart's, unicorns, thestrals, centaurs and giants aren't good enough for you now! I do hope you'll accept my humble apologies that I can't provide you with the same undoubtedly brilliant creatures that Vicky was able to give you!!" Ron had yelled in the least humble voice possible and with that he had stormed upstairs to the boys dormitories and they hadn't talked since.  
  
That had been two days ago and the closest they had come to repairing their relationship was during Potions, when Snape had all put them all into pairs for some reason. Hermione would have thought out of the goodness of his heart but decided that the words 'goodness' and Snape were enough to make even the most believing wizards mouths fly open in amazement, and thought adding the word 'heart' to the equation would be pushing it enough to cause multiple cardiac arrests to occur through out the castle, and so with that thought in mind she looked around the dungeon and found the explanation, in the form of Harry and Malfoy being paired off together .  
  
"So.erm. should we get the ingredients?" said Hermione hesitantly motioning towards the ingredient store.  
  
Ron shrugged and turned away pretending to be engrossed in copying down the instructions for the truth draught.  
  
Hermione sighed and went to collect the ingredients. This was going to be a long lesson.  
  
***  
  
A couple of days later things still hadn't improved as Hermione found herself walking slowly along the dark corridor in the middle of the night, something that was incredibly difficult due to the need to keep in close proximity with two people whilst trying not to make any noise, or show any of one's body below the Invisibility cloak. And the fact that one of the people in question was trying ardently not to let his body get into any kind of contact with hers made things even worse.  
  
Ron was making walking so much harder than usual and was taking up nearly twice as much room in an attempt to keep away from her, thus straining her nerves to the limit and making the need to keep quite lose a lot of its importance.  
  
"So remind me again WHY are we stalking around the castle in the middle of the night?" Hermione hissed in an anxious (and very irritated) whisper. "Hermione! For merlins sake would you shut up? Your going to get us caught!" Ron hissed, his voice filled with the contempt he had being treating Hermione with over the last weeks at Hogwarts. "Oh! You're talking to me now? How very considerate of you!" Hermione snapped, her hands curled into fists. She forced herself to take several deep breaths in order to keep calm and not hit Ron and instead contented herself to glare at him through the darkness. That snide remark had been one of the first things he had said to her since their extremely strained potions lesson.  
  
Ron sighed in a long suffering manner which only served to irritate Hermione further. "Hermione." Ron said, intending on trying to maintain the peace but something out side of the cloak caught his eye. something moving.  
  
His pause only angered Hermione more. She was tired and irritable and didn't see why they couldn't go to the library during break or dinner like normal students.  
  
So angry that she forgot about the cloak, she span around and her foot caught the hem, dislodging it from around Harry and Ron. Her legs tangled in the liquid material she began to fall backwards but Ron's arms shot out like lightning and caught the only visible part of her body; her shoulders. Hastily he and Harry pulled her upright and quickly dragged the cloak safely around them all, rendering them invisible again. Not daring to move she stood pressed against Ron's chest, her own rapid heartbeat pounding in her ears. Behind her Harry stood motionless too, and she knew that he was thinking exactly the same as her. They had made too much noise and even worse in the same place. Filch could be along anytime soon...  
  
After a moment that seemed to drag on for ever, silence prevailed in the corridor and Hermione let out a gentle sigh of relief, which was quickly stifled by a clammy hand. Looking up she met Ron's wide eyes and held her breath. On her other side Harry moved into her line of vision, putting his finger to his lips as he did so, and motioned for them to move. Ron dropped his hand and as quiet as humanely possible, he and Hermione quickly followed their scarred friend, tip-toeing down the corridor at a remarkable speed, but one that still felt incredibly slow to Hermione.  
  
Ron's eyes darted around the night-filled corridor, trying desperately to see through the darkness. He was sure he had seen something earlier, but the moon didn't seem to be in existence tonight and he could only just make out Hermione who was walking right next to him. His heart pounding he sped up a little and caught Harry's eye. One look at his best friends face told him that the Boy-Who-Lived had seen it too.  
  
A ray of moonlight suddenly fell across the gloomy corridor, illuminating a tall suit of armour that was stood on a corner. As they neared it, whispered voices reached Ron's ears. Hermione gasped and Ron froze. Harry on the other hand paused slightly, before cautiously stepping forwards and peering around the corner. He withdrew his head swiftly and leant against the wall, eyes wide. Hermione, who had been forced to move forwards too in order to keep him under the cloak, sent a questioning glance his way. He met her eyes but did nothing, a look disbelief plastered over his sweating face. Her mouth dry, the only girl in the famous trio shuffled around him and leaned around the bend. The sight that met her was one of the most unexpected she could think of (and considering she was at Hogwarts this was saying a lot). Two knights, clad in tunics, breaches and cloaks were helping another through a window. The knights were all very different, one was tall and slim while the other short with long red hair which Hermione deemed strange. And the third knight who they were helping through the window was broad and extremely large. Hermione was attempting to size him against Hagrid when Ron pulled her back. "'Lemme see," he murmured, sticking his own flaming read head around the corner. After a minute he looked back at Hermione and Harry, his eyes wide. "Who the blo." Hermione elbowed him in the stomach.  
  
They stumbled back away from the intruders, each with varying degrees of shock and fright on their faces. Ron's mouth was hanging open, and Harry seemed to be staring blankly into space. Hermione was the first to recover. "This cannot be happening!" she hissed. "It says quite clearly in Hogwarts: A History that-"  
  
"Well maybe it's wrong," Ron interrupted. "Books aren't always right you know, that's probably how Vicky got you to go to Bulgaria by tempting you with those creature from Fantastic Beasts and-"  
  
"Ron!" Hermione hissed while Harry groaned. "An army is invading Hogwarts, and all you can do is talk about Victor!" She looked extremely panicked "We should go and get Dumbledore."  
  
"No, they could be anywhere by the time we get him and get back!" Harry argued.  
  
"Calm down, how bad could this be?" Ron said, unexpectedly using logic outside of a game of chess. "We've been outwitting Voldemort since we were eleven for goodness sake! What are a few muggle warriors going to do?"  
  
____________________________________________~*~_____________________________ ______  
  
He he! How little they know!! Woo I was totally buzzin' when Hermione was 'pressed against Ron's chest' like that. *wolf wistle* Oh come on you know you were too! Jeez who could possibly think that Hermione and Harry are gonna get it together? That is a platonic friendship there people! But with Ron and Hermione...ooo the chemistry sizzles! Mwhaha Hmm again I excuse pagans behaviour blame the overactive hormones (I do) she squeaks every time some one introduces themselves with a name shared by a fictional character! (curse Tammy's use of common names! Lol) Uh right. Anyway....And now we'd like to thank:  
  
Vi3t BaBiI  
  
Cat  
  
Rampage 786 - (what are you on?? I want some! We do try 2 entertain Lol)  
  
Treanz-alyce  
  
Reya Dawnbringer- (yep I'd like to know what's gonna happen next too .Lol. Me and Pagan really need to get a story line sorted its like girl, boy, place, consequence at the mo (don't know if you've ever played that but its funny lol) Dave the L's gal- Eek!! (violence will get u every where hence chap 2 lol)  
  
Hope you liked this chapie, at the moment we are still getting the two stories together but hopefully it'll work when we get it sorted, because we've got lots of ideas, but I'm not even gonna bother to write them out cos Pagan with her evil disposition would only delete them as to leave you in suspense! (Mwhaha! ahem) R+R!!  
  
Well duh! If you go and give away all our plot secrets then they wont read the rest, and THEY WON'T REVIEW DAMMIT!!! heh yeah. Anyway. Review! Rougue and Pagan x Erm since when did u get the bold?? Rougue xxx 


	3. Making Friends

pbA/N/b Authors presently engage in much rejoicing! Silver phoenix reviewed yey! Not that we don't value all reviews of course and you are all very welcome to join in in our celebrations there's plenty of orange for every one! However we would like to take this opportunity to send our particular admiration to her for bin the first good author we found! Luv all u're stories girl! I actually have bury the hatchet residing in my very bedroom!! Printed every damn page of it of for my friend who doesn't have the internet *bless. I probably shouldn't be telling you this as I probably broke several copy right laws oops!! Any way quickly on with the story.(divert your minds! Lol) /p  
  
Chapter 3   
  
p"We need a plan!" hissed Hermione (that sentence relates strangely to us don't u think? Lol)/p   
  
p"Well think of one then! You're the brain box here!" scolded Ron /p  
  
p"I'M TRYING!" Hermione almost yelled back. Harry elbowed her. /p  
  
p"There's no point us being under an invisibility cloak if you're going to make a racket anyway!" Harry hissed feeling more than a little uneasy. /p  
  
p"That's it!" cried Hermione "Lets make as much noise as we can!" /p  
  
pHarry and Ron exchanged exhasperated looks. "Ok all the exertion has taken its toll, she's lost it," Ron said./p  
  
p Hermione scowled. If anything was straining her sanity it was the way Ron was acting lately. She sighed audibly "Do I have to explain everything to you!" she said in desperation, "Isn't it obvious?"/p   
  
p"No Hermione, Insane maybe but not obvious" Ron responded in the same cold comportment with which he had been treating her for the last three months./p   
  
p"Well if we make a lot of noise some one will come and help!" /p  
  
p"Or come and put us all in detention for the rest of the year!" /p  
  
p"Ron could you get your priorities right, I mean if we weren't here nobody would know about those people and besides your starting to sound like me..."/p   
  
p"Hermione why don't we just curse them and have done with it?" Harry asked quietly interrupting Ron and Hermione mid argument. /p  
  
p"Because if we did that Pagan and Rogue would personally murder us for disrupting the little bit of a story line that they have! And since they're by far bigger and scarier than us we best follow the damn script! Yes Ron even if it does make you into an obsessive jealous jerk!" Hermione snapped./p   
  
pAll three looked up in fear at the constant faces of the great makers of fate and sighed in longing for (Harry) that much power (Hermione) that much knowledge (Ron) the lack of hormones that plague his family in general. Although that could also be applied to Harry, (however in Pagans case the lack of hormones isn't the problem.) /p  
  
p"Ok let's make some noise!" said Ron being the first to emerge from the awestricken state. They walked over to the nearest suit of armour and pushing as much as they could whilst under an invisibility cloak sent it falling to the floor with an all mighty crash- /p  
  
BR  
  
pAlanna Spun around searching the darkness for the cause of the omnipotent sound. Finding no reason behind her she span back to Jon and Gary (bA/N yes we realise that it was Raoul earlier on in the story however Pagan and I have constituted some sort of plan and he is needed else where, fear not he will arise habitually within our story. Mindya so will Celine Dione, and the mouse/squirrel from ice age...)/b Sword drawn and sharp purple eyes darting warily over the seemingly abandoned corridor. Suddenly Dumbledore (yes he heard the crash!) came bounding up the corridor pulled out his wand and despite specific orders from pagan not to lay a hand on Gary cursed all three of the warriors presently intruding into his castle./p  
  
p "AND CUT!" – Random director. /p  
  
pP.K: "Ok who scripted that? Why is Gary frozen? Who dares to harm Gary! /p  
  
pI.R (overly dramatic voice) "Who dares to defy Pagan?! Show your self and prepare to be congratulated! You stunned Jon yey!" *does happy dance*/p   
  
pP.K: Erm we're all forgetting a very important issue here Gary is stunned! I don't understand, why is Gary stunned?!" /p  
  
pI.R: "I don't know I didn't write the darn thing!" /p  
  
pP.K: "well I certainly didn't..." /p  
  
p*creepy background music*/p  
  
p *P.K and I.R huddle and glance worriedly from side to side*/p  
  
p I.R: (shouting over music) "Let's just blame it on the orange juice baring pink elves in an attempt to get us to post chapter three!" /p  
  
pP.K *shrugs* Yeah okay.... *to music which is by this time reaching its crescendo* WOULD YOU SHUT UP?! *music abruptly halts* right on with the story!"/p   
  
p*Dodgy squirrel thing from iIce Age/i flies across screen*/p  
  
p Alanna stamped her foot "Why does no body care about me damn it?!" she yelled./p  
  
p P.K "hey! Back to your places! Lights, camera, action!"/p  
  
pDumbledore glanced about and at seeing the suit of armor splayed over the marble  
  
floor grinned and somehow talked directly in the direction where Harry, Ron  
  
and Hermione were standing, "Mr. Potter? I would appreciate it if you would do me  
  
the privilege of showing your self? It does nothing for ones persona of sanity  
  
to be seen conversing with yourself."/p  
  
pHarry glanced at Hermione and Ron attempting to hint for them to stay covered.  
  
Hermione glared then looked away pretending to miss his meaning. Ron on the  
  
other hand smiled. Rolling his eyes he said, "You're not hogging all the glory this time,  
  
mate." Thus the cloak slid from all three shoulders. Dumbledore's  
  
eyes glistened with mischief. Sighing gently he said in an undertone, "The  
  
marauders all over again." Raising his voice he said swiftly, "Okay you three I  
  
believe a trip to the grounds is in order." Seeing their confused faces he  
  
elaborated, "Soldiers are like ants, find a few and there are always more close  
  
by."/p  
  
p  
  
br  
  
center***/center  
  
pLevitating a trio of warriors down through the pitch black grounds and keeping  
  
from falling proved harder than expected and as Dumbledore had left this  
  
'privilege' to Harry he somehow felt that this was a punishment in order to sooth Mr.  
  
Filtch's wounded pride if he ever discovered that students had been out of bed  
  
without his awareness./p  
  
pThey reached Hagrid's hut, and for some reason could hear much banter. Puzzled they crept forward  
  
Harry's jaw was firmly set waiting, Hermione's chin was thrust out determined  
  
and Ron was stood protectively behind her (unless of course if you are referring  
  
to the Ron in the films who by this point would have wet himself and be a mere  
  
speck in the distance). Dumbledore awakened the warriors, and after disarming them warned that one wrong move would cost them their lives. Harry wasn't quite  
  
sure whether Dumbledore was serious however he wouldn't bated him with the look  
  
that was presently upon his face. They snuck around Hagrid's cabin emerging  
  
behind a large mulberry bush. (bA/N No they were not holding hands dancing, and  
  
singing "here we go round the mulberry bush!" Although it was on Ron's to do list/b) and the sight that met their eyes  
  
caused wizards, warriors and witch jaws alike to fall open in amazement.  
  
pLaughter was flowing, along with the mead. Fang was sat tail wagging in  
  
expectance of the tips that were being tossed his way, multiple card games were  
  
taking place then a large explosion drew their attention to where Fred and  
  
George were demonstrating their latest product, and lastly Hagrid was sat on a large upturned  
  
crate arm wrestling with none other than Raoul the giant killer. The scene was  
  
altogether reminiscent of the very first scene in the very first Lord of the  
  
Rings movie if you can cast your eyes back that far./p  
  
p  
  
"What the hell is going on here?" Jon exclaimed. /p  
  
p"And how come your name was mentioned?" Harry demanded. "This is meant to be from my point of view!"/p  
  
P"Oh shut up Harry," Hermione snapped. "Why don't you go mourn for Sirius? You did cause his death after all."/p  
  
pMillions of fans wept bitterly./p  
  
p"Hagrid!" Dumbledore yelled. "What is going on here?"/p  
  
pHagrid looked up, causing Raoul to win the arm wrestle. "Yippee!" Raoul exclaimed./p   
  
p"Bloody hell," Hagrid grumbled, causing several shocked parents to drag their children out of the cinema. "Professor Dumbledore, sir," Hagrid said loudly, making his way over to Dumbledore in three short strides. "I found this lot lurking round the forest. They was lost and probably gonna get eaten' by summthin' so I brought em over here."/p  
  
pDumbeldore, Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at their imprisoned warriors. Well, if you could call stumbling along after three children and a very old man imprisoned./p  
  
p"Er..." Jon said, glancing at his two companions for help. They just shrugged. A sudden idea hit Jon, "Yes!" he cried, in a strangely girlish voice. "My comrades and I are merely tourists, come to take snazzy photos of your historic castle and buy cheep merchandise from your over priced gift shops."/p  
  
pAlanna and Gary stared at him. So did Dumbledore./p  
  
p "Oh," the headteacher said finally. "Oh well, that's all right then!" he suddenly cried. "Welcome to Hogwarts. And I apologise for the attack earlier, here let me get you a drink..." He led Jon over to a large barrel of mead, while Hagrid, grinning beneath his huge beard, hurried back over to Raoul. Alanna and Gary shrugged before following their leader. After all, buying cheep merchandise is fun!/p  
  
p  
  
"But aren't there meant to be anti muggle -" Hermione began, but was quickly cut off by a sudden loud burst of music. /p  
  
p "And so," the deep voiced narrator said in a very deep voice, "The first act of friendship between the realm of Tortall, and that of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, took place. And from that day onwards, there was much laughter and merry making between the two."  
  
BRWith a fatherly smile, the aging man before the fire place looked down at his spell bound grandson and said, "The End," before closing the leather bound red book./p  
  
p  
  
The little grandson looked up at him. "What the hell?!" /p  
  
p  
  
-------------  
  
p  
  
And so concludes our third chapter of Could Things Get Any Worse? Hope you enjoyed it, we certainly did! Please review! 


	4. The Much Awaited and Random Fourth Chapt...

Finally, an update!!! This chapter was actually written quite quickly (mainly by Pagan) but then Pagan's brother, who gets a cameo in this chapter, reformatted the pc and lost it...so after much struggling, tears and occasional violent fist fights, chapter 4 is here!

**The Much Awaited and Random Fourth Chapter**

**--------**

"Okay, Pagan, put the axe down and then we can talk."

Pagan glared at Rogue, holding the glinting red and white axe up menacingly. "No....it has to be done!" she panted. "I thought you'd understand...."

"I do understand Pagan," Rogue replied gently, taking a small step forwards and reaching for the weapon. "But this isn't the way. Think of the consequences – think of the fanfic!"

"No!" Pagan screamed. "Do not use that against me! Don't!"

"Woa!" The two girls looked around to see Pagan's brother, Dale, stood in the doorway. His eyes flicked from the axe in his sister's hand to the bottle of orange juice on the desk. "Okay you two are just weird..." he said. Then suddenly he noticed what the axe was above, not the orange juice, but the computer!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he screamed, diving across the room. Immediately the whole scene went into bullet time, with Dale flying towards his sister as she slowly swung the axe and random droplets of orange juice being thrown all over the pair, glinting artificially as they passed the camera. His hand closed on Pagan's wrist, and with an all mighty wrench shown by his strained facial expressions, he pulled the axe away – and smashed it straight into Mum's favourite mirror.

The three landed in a heap on the floor, even though Rogue hadn't in fact moved. Millions of pieces of glass fell on top of them, but amazingly no one was seriously hurt.

The trio looked up at the shattered mirror, and then at each other. The same, single thought flashed through each of their minds, to be voiced by Rogue. "Dale get the car keys – we'll meet you outside!"

As the other two ran for the door, stopping to grab a CD from the living room, Pagan discreetly kicked the tower of the PC. "That'll teach you to muck up my HTML!" she growled, before hurrying after the others.

"What the hell was that all about?" Harry demanded furiously. "I'm the protagonist here! This is my story! MINE!"

"Well actually, as this is a mixture of two books, Alanna could also be considered the protagonist," Hermione replied.

"What?" Harry yelled. "You can't have two protagonists!"

"Harry, a bunch of soldiers from an entirely different time period/world/book just invaded our castle and then made peace by saying they just wanted to look at out gift shop – which we don't have. Do you really think the small matter of having two heroes is going to cost the writers much sleep?"

Ron rubbed his knuckles gleefully, murmuring under his breath, "Just a little while longer and then there'll be three heroes...but I will be the best..."

"Y'what?" Harry asked, looking at his friend. Hermione's speech had been too complicated for him to understand.

"Oh nothing..." Ron said quickly, hiding his copy of How To Steal Best Friend's Limelight under a cushion.

"Hmm maybe I should get that," Pagan mused. She was promptly hit over the head with Rogue's copy of OOTP. Six weeks later the doctors managed to wake her up.

"So, how come Fred and George are back at Hogwarts then?" Hermione asked. "Didn't they leave last year?"

"Yeah well," Ron said with a laugh. "You know how it is..."

Silence descended upon the common room. Somewhere in the carpet a cricket cheeped.

"Erm, shouldn't we be investigating these suspicious new characters then?" Ron asked innocently. The other Gryffindors turned back to their business. None of them had of course noticed anything odd about the new characters and were content to go about their everyday boring lives.

"I dunno, that's getting a bit old now," Harry mused. "I'm trying to keep thousands of six to seventy year olds entertained here – maybe we should do something a bit different..."

"Well we could always kill off the only decent character around here," Ron suggested.

"Nah," Harry replied. "What kind of a book would this be without me?"

"I was thinking more of a side character," Ron said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "You know one of those whose hardly in it bit who everyone adores..."

"Been there, done that. Burned the damn T-shirt," Harry said with a wave of his hand.

Ron blinked. "Eh?"

"Remember last year?" Harry said. "My stupidity, Voldemort's trap, getting Sirius killed and all that angsty crap?"

Ron furrowed his eye brows – a regular thing in the fanfiction world – and said, "You mean there was actually a plot in Order of the Phoenix?"

"Nah just a little minor action at the end," Hermione replied. "And a lot of screaming on Harry's part."

Harry was silent. Memories of last years traumas flooded his head. Of course his head was so swollen it didn't make much of a difference, but still the memories brought a small tear to his eye. All those hints, those chances, the lessons he had only just learnt. If only he had known then what he knew now...

A razor toothed squirrel flew randomly across the Common Room, propelled by a strong gust of wind.

"You know I could always start dating Snape," Hermione said suddenly. "That might lighten things up a bit."

Ron's mouth fell open. His face turned red, steam gushed out of his ears. His eyes bulged with jealous anger. Yet still thousands of people insisted that Ron and Hermione had no future and that instead the bushy haired witch would marry Harry someday.

"Nah," Harry said, not noticing Ron's odd behaviour. "Snape is so obviously in love with Sirius and probably mourning him as we speak."

Ron furrowed his eye brows. "I thought Snape hated Sirius."

"He does," Harry replied. "But beneath all that surging loathing, there is a deep deep connection between them. A kind of kindred spirit of love and peace. Their tragic pasts unite them. Rather like Draco and I," he added dreamily.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other. Ron shrugged. "Well it explains why Sirius was always picking on him at school," he said.

Hermione frowned. "I dunno I always got the impression it was more James than Sirius..."

"Well obviously James was jealous of Snape's relationship with my mum," Harry said. "They had a fling back in their Death Eater days. After she dumped Remus. Then she married my dad and Remus started dating Sirius..."

"Okay I think we need to ban the word 'fanfiction' from the school internet too," Hermione decided wisely. Every kid under sixteen groaned.

At that moment a nameless Gryffindor burst into the Common Room, immediately securing the attention of every single student. "There's going to be another ball!" the pupil shrieked. The room erupted with cheers and applause.

"About damn time too," Ron said moodily. "I thought I was never going to get to wear my new dress robes..."

Hermione flicked her hair casually over her shoulder and batted her eye lashes. "I have new dress robes too Ron..." she said suggestively.

"So what's the occasion for this ball then?" Harry asked loudly. For even the crazy world of fanfiction could not hold a ball at Hogwarts for no reason.

"To welcome our guests!" the nameless kid squealed. "They're American you know!"

"Oh well that explains everything then," Ron said.

"RON!" Hermione huffed. "Don't be racist towards the Americans!"

"I wasn't being racist!" Ron replied, affronted. "I was just pointing out that American people are a bit...well, strange."

"That is not true!" Hermione snapped.

"Oh come on Hermione they can't even spell colour properly," Harry interrupted. "And they call football soccer, I mean, what's that all about? It's a ball, and you kick it with your foot, where the hell did they get the name soccer from?"

Hermione could think of no answer to this, so she instead lapsed into angry silence.

**Meanwhile – **

"Jon, are you listening to me?!"

Jonathan looked up at Alanna, who was glaring furiously down at him, having just broken off in a tirade about his leadership skills, common sense, and at one point his legitimacy.

"Alanna can't this wait?" he asked desperately. "Deirdre's about to be sentenced!"

Alanna nearly screamed in frustration. They had been given the entire third floor to live in during their stay at Hogwarts, and whilst exploring Jonathan had stumbled across an old television set. He had gotten it working, and now the whole army was sitting enthralled watching re-runs of the popular Muggle soap Coronation Street.

"Oh my God!" Gary squealed, slapping his hands over his eyes. "I can't watch!"

"Guilty!" the juror on the T.V said. The army gasped.

"No!" Jonathan breathed.

"I didn't do it!" Deirdre sobbed, before being led away. Half the army burst into tears.

Alanna raised her eyebrows. "I've been dragged away from my honeymoon," she muttered. "To invade a castle in Scotland, which is very cold, with an army of apparently gay men, who are now sitting around watching a soap instead of helping me find the way home. Could things get any worse?!"

Dumbledore suddenly walked into the room, smiling happily around at his guests who were all wiping their eyes and complaining about the British Justice System.

"It is my pleasure to announce!" Dumbledore cried, holding his arms out in welcome. "That the school has decided to hold a ball tomorrow, in order to welcome you! When you're teaching a bunch of angsty teenagers," he confided to a solider sat near him. "You look for any excuse to have a party."

Alanna groaned.


End file.
